my why...

2018-01-30_0010 I found myself in a rut. I had such a disconnect from my work and the photography I once loved and craved became something I had no feelings for... like nothing. Numb was the only word I could use to describe how I was feeling.

What had gone so terribly wrong? How could I spend a lifetime with a camera in my hand and all of a sudden find myself with my "dream job" and have these feelings towards it? It took a lot of self discovery. It took isolation to hear inside my heart. It took confusion, tears, anger and basically giving up to figure out... I COULDN'T give up! It wasn't in me. There was this pull to continue doing what I loved so much I just had to find a new way to go about it. I had to shake myself free of the doubt, the rules, the expectations I had placed on myself to "play it safe". I had to let go of that "people pleasing" mentality and do for ME. It wasn't easy and it wasn't quick.

To be honest with you, it took almost two solid years to get it all out of my head and get right with my creative voice. I am not going to say it wasn't painful. But what came out of it...what came out of that muck was so much clarity. Not only for my photography work but for my heart.

The thing I discovered most about myself (although I did already know it, I just didn't know how to express it) was that I am super upbeat, fun, optimistic and an overall happy personality...but I am just a little "deeper" than most. I don't know how to even explain it. It is just who I have always been... I don't just hear the beat to a song, I feel the words...type deep. I see beyond the surface of people and truly feel their heart.

I am very aware that everyone has a "story" and not in a cliché kind of a REAL story. Life isn't always pretty. It sure isn't always easy... and no matter what the story is, whether I even really know the details or not...I capture it.

I like to look at my photography as way to capture a FEELING and a isn't about your hair or your is about YOU and YOUR STORY.