mother's day goodness.

I was blessed to know the love of a mother. I was even more blessed to KNOW the love a mother gives by giving every ounce of my heart, soul, and body to my four children. Long ago it was alluded to that I'd have a very difficult time having children of my own. I have experienced more than a fair share of miscarriages, 3 late in the first trimester and I had to experience laboring babies that I'd never get the joy of holding, nursing, or raising. Only a mom would know the love you have for an unborn baby. I know the feeling of hitting the floor after being told something seriously was wrong with one of your children so hard it feels as though something knocked you completely off your feet and took every breath of air you had with it.

I have known the hopeless feeling sitting in a hospital holding on to your sick child's hand praying so hard it hurts that it would be you in that bed instead of your sweet precious little one.

I know the love of being a mother. Along with experiencing the greatest love you will ever know, comes the greatest hurts you can ever imagine. Children are like the missing puzzle piece you never knew you were missing that completed the entire picture of what your life was meant to be.

I have been blessed.

Not many are so lucky, some never get to experience it. Others get it ripped from them in a way I can not begin to imagine.

We have had sleepless nights. We have long forgotten what our youthful bodies once looked like. We go without eating meals so we can run them from one place to the next. We give our time, thought, and sanity to them. Simply for that tiny "I love you mom" at the end of the day.

Sometimes it is easy to get lost in who YOU are because you define yourself by who THEY are. I have learned that for me to be the BEST mom I can be, I need to remember to embrace ME. to love ME. to give for MYSELF. Recently I have decided to start persuing the things I once loved and allow myself to give a little time to those things. To allow myself to be fulfilled by what I think is fun not by what I am expected to always do. I want to paint, do projects )that will not be graded by the 7th grade history teacher) photograph for myself, create art for ME. I want to fix my hair, wear makeup, get dressed in something other than sweat pants and feel pretty again.

This Mother's Day I want to give to YOU. I want to make you remember you are a WOMAN. You still have a voice, a passion, an identity. YOU are BEAUTIFUL.