I challenge you.

I will be honest. I struggle. I struggle with my self image. and I know many of you do too. I do not know why us women have such a hard time loving ourselves but we do. I have seen it from every age to every size to every nationality. We struggle to love ourselves. We are our own worst critics and I am so over it. I want to see a picture of myself and not immediately spot out the faults I see in myself and see and LOVE myself. I know that God made me perfect, WHY do I have such a hard time seeing the good in myself? Why do you? I can tell you a thousand times over how beautiful you are and you STILL will not believe me....am I right? I know for myself that is truth. What do you see when you look at these images of me?

I will tell you what I see... (you have NO idea how hard this is for me. to see myself...THIS many of myself...right in my face and now in all of  yours) FIRST notice not ONE image I am smiling... I HATE my smile! hate it!! But I am a very happy person so it is almost funny that I let others see me as serious. And PLEASE PLEASE do not tell me I am crazy, I am NOT doing this so you can tell me I am pretty or being silly, I am being completely RAW with you guys and reminding you no matter what we ALL have a hard time seeing ourselves how others see us... so here I go....

1. I immediately see old skin... I see, clearly the zit. BUT most of all I see my jaw line... I got it from my father, I am not even sure, I chalk it up to big teeth in a tiny mouth. who knows but I hate it!!

2. hello nose and big ears... ears are such weird things don't you think?

3. only posted this one because it is the perfect distance AWAY from the camera for me! THIS is my comfort zone area.

4. okay YIKES.... I am seriously sweating while I write this post... this is NOT fun, but I am determined to get the stupid idea of hollywood perfect out of my mind... what is the deal with my neck, again the JAW, nose, thin hair...and to make matters works I am crinkling my forehead! nice.

5. jaw, but I do like that the glasses and hair hide the rest of my face.

6. NOSE. old skin, and forehead

7. there my nose is again! and now you are all seeing my very new and oh so hated sun/hormone spot between my eyes! ugh it keeps getting worse.

8. jaw and nose...and I cropped it so you can't laugh at my big forehead!

So now that I am ready to vomit from having to really open myself up and tell you what I see when I see myself... NOW you know why I want you to join me in a challenge. 30....OMG did I just say THIRTY days of selfies! We can do it... right???

Instagram, twitter or just for yourself (although I do feel like sharing your images will force you to be more brave)

Starting TODAY. hashtag #lovemyselfie #spankimillschallenge

Many of us are busy and can not guarantee we will actually be picture ready every day so I am giving you a list of ideas to try. You do not have to do them in any order, but thought a few suggestions would be fun and you can interpret them however YOU want!

1. Daily life  2. Reflecting  3. Black and White  4. Far  5. Angle  6. Raw  7. Light  8. Sun  9. Exposed  10. Color  11. Mood  12. Soul  13. Natural  14. Love  15. Loved  16. Low  17. Above  18. You  19. Mirror Mirror  20. Messy  21. Vulnerable  22. Motion  23. Laughter  24. Alone  25. Still

I only listed 25 because I can think of more than one way to shoot some so you can repeat them if you want! (I have never done a challenge before I have no clue how to do this) ;)

TOOLS/Apps TO HELP:  TimerCam  and  PicTapGO are my faves!!!

It is summer!

It is summer... AWESOME we get to sleep late and stay up to see the stars in the warm Texas sky.

BUT it also means it is time for me to SLOW. IT. DOWN. Here in TX, our summers are a lot like the winters you guys have up north... we kind of all shut down and keep COOL! So what does that mean for me with Spanki Mills Photography? Well it means a TON of new things brewing up. It is time I grow creatively, time I allow myself to do the projects I have been wanting to do with my own children and it means creating for YOU. I have a long list of things I am wanting to do for you guys...

so far this is what my travel plans look like....

JULY 15th I will be in Gulf Shores, AL for my twins select baseball tournament... I am offering a first come first serve mentoring/session while I am there. My time will be limited BUT this will be discounted prices since I will already be there. IF you are in the area and wanting mentoring, family/children/senior or creative artist sessions please let me know ASAP!

WORKSHOPS!!!! Lets talk workshops. I have THREE currently on the books and am trying to get one in Chicago in Sept. but here is what I have so far...

AUGUST 3rd - Monterey, CA "a day with Spanki" workshop info HERE!

OCTOBER 5th- South Jersey, NJ "a day with Spanki" workshop info HERE!

OCTOBER 19th- Phoenix, AZ "a day with Spanki" workshop info HERE! **this one will be extra special as my sweet friend Jasen with Studio Moirae and I celebrate our birthdays together this week!!

AND I am opening up a SUMMER edition of SIMPLY SPANKI the online workshop that will begin June 15th. Details coming SOON!

info@spankimills.com please put the workshop CITY in the subject line.

mother's day goodness.

I was blessed to know the love of a mother. I was even more blessed to KNOW the love a mother gives by giving every ounce of my heart, soul, and body to my four children. Long ago it was alluded to that I'd have a very difficult time having children of my own. I have experienced more than a fair share of miscarriages, 3 late in the first trimester and I had to experience laboring babies that I'd never get the joy of holding, nursing, or raising. Only a mom would know the love you have for an unborn baby. I know the feeling of hitting the floor after being told something seriously was wrong with one of your children so hard it feels as though something knocked you completely off your feet and took every breath of air you had with it.

I have known the hopeless feeling sitting in a hospital holding on to your sick child's hand praying so hard it hurts that it would be you in that bed instead of your sweet precious little one.

I know the love of being a mother. Along with experiencing the greatest love you will ever know, comes the greatest hurts you can ever imagine. Children are like the missing puzzle piece you never knew you were missing that completed the entire picture of what your life was meant to be.

I have been blessed.

Not many are so lucky, some never get to experience it. Others get it ripped from them in a way I can not begin to imagine.

We have had sleepless nights. We have long forgotten what our youthful bodies once looked like. We go without eating meals so we can run them from one place to the next. We give our time, thought, and sanity to them. Simply for that tiny "I love you mom" at the end of the day.

Sometimes it is easy to get lost in who YOU are because you define yourself by who THEY are. I have learned that for me to be the BEST mom I can be, I need to remember to embrace ME. to love ME. to give for MYSELF. Recently I have decided to start persuing the things I once loved and allow myself to give a little time to those things. To allow myself to be fulfilled by what I think is fun not by what I am expected to always do. I want to paint, do projects )that will not be graded by the 7th grade history teacher) photograph for myself, create art for ME. I want to fix my hair, wear makeup, get dressed in something other than sweat pants and feel pretty again.

This Mother's Day I want to give to YOU. I want to make you remember you are a WOMAN. You still have a voice, a passion, an identity. YOU are BEAUTIFUL.

CREATIVES

the LITTLES turn

 

It was Good Friday. The kids didn't have school and we needed something to do. They had been really showing an interest in my camera lately so I decided to do a crash course in camera 101 for them. They asked for me to model and let them give me a "session" ...I couldn't believe they REALLY wanted to learn! They all brought their phones so the one that didn't have the "professional" camera, the others were being iPhone-ographers. I LOVED it. I loved letting them direct me and learn how to shoot on MANUAL. I was shocked when I uploaded my memory card. The light was really bad, very dark heavy clouds and we were in the deep woods but other than that they turned out great...I just love that we created a fun memory together.

they all had to take turns showing me their work all the while someone was still snapping... kind of funny going on a shoot with 4 cameras pointing at you...INTIMIDATING! This last image was taken by my 7 year old daughter... she didn't feel like she had a fair share with the "real" camera so we shot a few in my office...these kids are gooooood. (although I might be a little partial) 

Spank.stagrams | Inked | personal post

JEHOVAH JIREH: The Revelation of the Name Jehovah-Jireh, Genesis 22:12-14. The meaning of this name is The Lord Who Provides. The name is literally, The Lord Who Sees, or The Lord Who Will See To It. This is what we long for when we have a need that is personal and special; One who will see to our needs and provide for us. This is what Jehovah-Jireh means; the Lord Who will see to it that my every need is met. One Who knows my need because He sees. Well. I finally did it. I joined the world of the inked. I have wanted a tattoo for almost 10 years now, but my hate for needles and lack of commitment has held me back. I knew what I wanted and why, just never knew where I should put it and then had muster up the courage to face that needle! JEHOVA JIREAH. My God the PROVIDER. I have had many trials as an adult (as we all do) I am embracing my story... it is me.

first being told I would have a very hard time (if ever) having children were words that resonated deep within me. When I miscarried my first, I was beyond devastated. It wasn't a planned or even expected pregnancy, I was only twenty-two. But for me a baby is a baby and that baby was a gift from God. He however had a different plan and took that baby home a little shy of 4 months gestation. I then got pregnant with another baby. Not willing to except the hurt of loosing another, I kept it from friends and family until it seemed like it was here to stay. At six months I went into MAJOR preterm labor and was told I needed to accept a very preterm baby with several obstacles to overcome to even have a chance of survival at life.

I fought.

I went to the doctor every other day for 3 months to get injected with steroids to grow my little baby and prepare him for delivery.

I prayed. HARD.

on complete bedrest, no visits, no intense TV shows, no nothing. I laid. for days. praying to God to give me this baby.

Every week I had to get tested to to check my levels and as I prayed, those levels continually went down. The doctor was in disbelief. each week that passed I was further and further from delivery. So much so that at 37 weeks I was taken off bed rest...but couldn't walk because my pelvic bones didn't have the gradual weight to spread with the growth of my baby... but I didn't care. I was keeping him in as long as he wanted to stay. yes, He is BAYLEN, my oldest son, FIRST miracle and gift from my PROVIDER.

Knowing the struggles we had with the first two pregnancies, starting early to give our son a sibling seemed to be the best option. Well, I was sick.

VERY SICK.

went to the doctor and what do you know, I was pregnant... with TWINS.

again. I prayed. HARD.

same song and dance with high risk pregnancy. This time I decided to go to a specialist in multiple births. He was worried. But strong. pushed me and pushed my body and after a very long VERY sick eight and a half months, I delivered full term VERY healthy twin boys. Pacen and Brylen. Our second and third miracles from my PROVIDER.

fast forward two years. We find out my son (on of the twins) has a serious bone disease. No cure known in all of history except for amputation. Yes. I was told my 2 year old son was going to have to have his leg amputated to ever have a chance of "normal" life if he were to break it...after about 3 months of knowing about his leg, he decides to jump off the bed. Yep. BROKE. long story short...after a cast, another cast, a tiny little baby walker, more cast, and a brace... my baby was pulling himself around our house by his arms. It was time to do something.

I prayed. HARD. with all I had in me.

I was a peace at what God had planned for my son and last minute before the amputation, we were asked to do an experimental surgery on my child. Lots of tears LOTS of prayers and we decided to give it a try. Today, my son is the FIRST case in HISTORY to KEEP his leg... he is now 11 years old and healthy, fast, and a miracle from MY PROVIDER! (I will post more about this story soon)

We took our entire family to get my tattoo... the kids got to watch and draw while I was getting mine done The middle images is my daughters idea of a "tattoo" for me.

so there you have it. JEHOVAH JIREH.

MY PROVIDER

It belongs on my body. where the world can see. I am ME because of HIM.